Tuesday

I spent all morning today dozing in front of the TV. 

This afternoon, I got myself together enough to go to a Look Good Feel Better make up session.  I have been advised that I should go, because you get a really good goody bag.  It is true!  Remarkably, I met Anna there too.  I have been taught how to use all the products, from cleanser, to my third eye brow pencil!  I have had a make-up session with Martha tonight (while Katy was at swimming), I showed her what we had been taught (except the foundation and powder) and she looked delightful.  She then helped me cleanse it (and herself).  My main point of learning, was seeing in a magnification mirror how dry my skin has become.  I need to moisturize. Helen gave me a bag of make-up products for Christmas, and there is plenty in there that will help me improve the condition of my skin.  Martha helped me look through it.  I have agreed that she can try the shower gel.  We had a lovely hour together.

My mum has gone home for my Great Auntie Betty's funeral.  She was late eighties and died in her sleep on New Year's Eve.  My mum is very upset to lose her.

Have a good day tomorrow
lots of love
Sarah xxx
(I am still very nauseas, but managing it OK)  May it be gone tomorrow!)

Chemo 5

Hi there,
Sorry - I had no internet yesterday, nor the energy to get it going.  Mostly, I have been in bed, nauseas or worse.

My Macmillan nurse came, and we had a good talk about lots of things.  Swimming is off my agenda until the chemo is finished (warm moist atmosphere, potentially full of germs).  Polates, would be a good start for me; I have just got to get organised. 

I am still upset about my treatment by my ex-GP.  However, I have said what I want to say.

I continue to think about the second Manchester Royal Infirmary (MRI) A&E doctor, as well.  I had returned to the MRI (two days after a visit scheduled by Dr Sabeti) with newly developed double vision.  I do not think I was checked over properly.  I recall thinking it was odd that I was sent home to rest when all the manuals say you must get seen by a doctor.  I realise that part of the problem was that I was not functioning properly; I barely speak.  The first A & E doctor checked me thoroughly, and sadly, I passed all the tests and they rejected the request for a scan.  I am disturbed that the development of double vision did not spark the need for a scan. If and when I feel like following this up, I know how to do it.

Other stuff - I showed him photos of me pre-diagnosis:  one with Martha and Katy in Berlin (where I was struggling with headaches), and one with Jackie and Louise at hockey.  He read the poem that Jackie has written for me, and I have seized it as my goal - all the features she describes are accurate observations - I want to get myself back in action again.  Two more bouts of chemo to go.

Good news, of course, that the scan showed that my tumour is responding to treatment.  I am grieving that I still have a tumour, but if it is not growing, nor troubling me, then I can live with it.  I have to come to terms with this. 

continued ...