New Sweatshirt
Look what arrived in the post from Ed (old uni friend) - a Herm Island sweatshirt. Fantastic, thanks.
I walk Martha and Katy to school, have a lie down and then head off to Christies. I am very tired. I am falling asleep in the waiting room - I sit with my head resting on the wall. My eyes are closed and I am drifting off.
In my appointment, I am told to get aloe vera gel from Holland and Barratt, and to start moisturising my bald patch. When I try this, I realise why I have not been troubled, so far, by scalp pain; a large part of my scalp is completely numb. It is burnt, but I can't feel it. I have started using the gel to ease the stress it must be under.
Lunchtime sleep
Visit by Macmillan Nurse
My Macmillan nurse is called Andrew Evans. This is his second visit. He is very easy to talk to, so I enjoy his visits. He has that special skill of asking exactly the right question at the right time. I find myself talking about things that I would say I haven't even thought of. I have worked out that until this week, I have been comfortable dealing with all the things that I have to do. I have planned for my possible death, I have attended appointments, radiotherapy, chemo etc etc. My radiotherapy programme is coming to an end, so my thoughts are moving on. I do not know what happens next. I have been told I am responding well, but I don't know what this means. I know I have cancer and I have started to worry about its progress. I have started to become very tearful at times, and we both think that this is me coming to terms with my condition. I have cancer and that is nothing that anyone ever wants to say. It is certainly something that nobody wants to know.
Don't worry. I am not down, or depressed. I am moving through the grieving curve. I am slipping out of denial and into anxiety. Next stop will be acceptance; when this will happen, I don't know.
Through this BLOG, I am sharing, honestly, my progress in dealing with my diagnosis. I was diagnosed at the end of June, and it is only the beginning of September - I was diagnosed only two and a half months ago.
I go to school to pick up Martha and Katy
This is my first pick up, this term. They are both excited to see me, which is lovely. After the pick up, I am a wreck again. I will have to think this through for next few weeks.
Both Martha and Katy have behaved really well today. We all agreed that they have to respond to requests immediately, and not after five or six times of asking. Martha has done this perfectly tonight, and Katy (who is getting stickers) gained two stickers tonight. Katy went to sleep without a hug tonight, which is amazing. Katy has also agreed to move back into Martha's room, so that my mum can have a bed.
Sickness
I have suffered from nausea this evening. I took a second ondansatron tablet, which took away the nausea. I am now fretting about getting constipated. Wish me luck tomorrow!!
Have a good evening
loads of love
Sarah xxx
