The other experience that I have had the last two nights is hallucination. I don't know if I can explain what is happening, but I have woken each night believing that I am in the process of dying, and that I must get my mum to help me through it. The reality is that I have made all this up, to the point that I am not even sure that I can explain it.
I am asleep and dreaming that my hands need help to help me die. Or something like this. I phone my mum for help. This took me ages tonight because I decided to text "Oi!/some get off eg. I phome Wx Sarah xxx" What does that mean??? I know it took me ages to text, when what I needed was physical help.
When my mum arrives, I am barking mad. I oscillate from serious discussion to howling with laughter about absolutely anything. Topics that I recall from this evening's little outing include: Fatima Whitbread and her amazing success as an athlete (yes, I know you are wondering why and so am I); my lack of interest in men - will this become revived before it is too late for me; what I like about primary school children; hysterical giggling about absolutely anything. There is more. Basically I am crackers for a while.
I don't think I can undo this properly.
The birds are singing - it is a beautiful sound. There is one bird with a high pitched song, and another with a lower tone. It is starting to get light. I am going to try to sleep.
love you
Sarah xxx
Funny how all the interesting stuff always goes on in the early hours! Your medical team will be able to help you & your carers understand more about what is going on here. I have some experience from when they cut Paul's head open & there will be some useful help groups when you are ready. Love your blog. So good you can share. Xxx
ReplyDeleteMorning Sarah
ReplyDeleteJust had a good catch up of all the goings on in your head and outside. Great to see it all physically healing so well, although I can't look at the pictures for long, I'm so squeamish ! But really interesting to read all about the thoughts and dreams, be fascinating to learn what it might all mean . I think some of the people I was standing near last night at The Stones concert might be having similar dreams and feelings this morning . It was a great night and the crowd was Incredible, every age and race and a numbe of them clearly out to party like it was their last opportunity. You would have loved it and I thought if Mick, Keith etc can get up on stage in their 70s and roak like they did last night, after all the abuse they have put on their bodies, you will definitely be up and rocking soon!
Did you see the women's tennis yesterday, I was so pleased for Bartoli, she is quite a character and really reminded me of Katie ! Looking forward to the men's later today and will be cheering Murray on, although Novak is looking very strong. Go Murray ! Big love and hugs . Helen xxxxxx
Yes, I agree that there are similarities between Katy and Bartoli. Katy likes tennis too ...
ReplyDeleteI remain ecstatic that Andy Murray won Wimbledon.
Wishing you a good week.
love you
Sarah xxx